The path of Self Destruction
Friday, June 04, 2010
I was never a very religious person.
I wasn't the zealous, enthusiastic Christian and I only did the minimal like going to church.
However, today when the bf said he did not want to go to church again because he simply doesn't care what lies ahead after life was extremely disturbing, hurting, in fact.
He said he just wanted to focus on this life, and not afterlife because it wasn't important. I understood perfectly what he meant, because I was at some point of my life, having the same thoughts. I stopped going to church, I didn't want to me a Christian because I thought, "Life is great! I'm young and I can do anything I want. I love being me. Who cares about God? Religion? Church? Afterlife??? I don't give a heck and I just want to live the moment right here, live now."
Besides, I'm definitely not going to drop dead tomorrow.
I tried to probe and find out his underlying reasons, was it because he didn't believe the existence of God? Did he doubt the truth in the Bible? Apparently not, he told he believed everything.
"The Bible tells us that if you are not a Christian, well, you go to Hell after you die. Are you aware of that? Do you think it's true?"
"Yes I think it's true."
"Do you know what's hell?" I ask him incredously.
"What's hell?" he asks snidely. I can hear him rolling his eyes.
"It's a place where you will suffer, be tortured, everlastingly, with no end. Don't you care?"
"No" his voice is devoid of emotion. I feel as though I don't know him. I've never felt so ... alien to him.
"How can you not care? Why do you want to suffer when you know it? It would be like walking into a dead end. Why walk in knowing the consequence???"
Time after time, he tells me flatly, "I just don't care. I'm already dead, it doesn't matter anymore. That's what I think."
I don't understand why he thinks he way he thinks. I feel extremely heartbroken to see him insist that self-destruction is his choice.
good night, world.
Kelly G
12:09 AM
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